Me: “Have you had any diarrhea lately?”

Elderly patient: “No, but I did have 3-4 very large bowel movements last night. Quite large.”

Patient’s daughter: “Oh my gosh mom. Stop! You don’t have to go into such detail.” 

Elderly patient: 👀 

Me: 👀 

Elderly patient: “They were massive.”

Me: “How big we talking? Did you name any of them?”