PTSD/cPTSD is a bitch. My subconscious is convinced I’m about to go through trauma. So it makes me relive all past traumas in the hope I’ll find clues on how to avoid it. It feels unavoidable so the thoughts come back again and again and again… At the logical level, I understand what is happening. At the emotional level the suffering and dysfunctions are uncontrollable. I’m more and more convince the subconscious is right. Trauma is on his way, again. It’s unavoidable, it’s happening and only the proof is missing. 

Over the past days I have deleted many unpublished long notes. The cage is tight, autism flaring up, repetitive thoughts, repetitive actions, I feel trapped. Trapped by all the lies around me. Probably yours too. 

Have you seen a piece of me? I have left them in all the things and people I got lost into over the years. If you found one, could you send it back please, there isn’t really much left. 

I was leaving nostr to avoid the public meltdown. Here it comes anyway.