Allow me to criticize a bit.

> women on nostr want to form a group to chat without men? Yes please! Users dedicated to using your client that speak in ways cohesive to you? By all means! Specialized group wanting an interoperable community with other communities? Of course.
> 
> Have white list relays to connect to pull in from select relays for your feed and not broadcast your notes to all relays at once.

If that's the goal, Why not spin up an mastodon / pleroma / web forum instance instead?

Nostr goal is different from what you've mentioned above. It tries to receive information as much as possible & most of the time is not for forming a single group or similar.